Thanks For Being You Award

All righty! I was tagged by Treskie over at Occasional Randomness for the THANKS FOR BEING YOU award. Of course, I never try to be anyone else but me. However, it's nice to be thanked for being me. Thanks, Treskie! ;-)

Here are the rules for this award:

1.) Thank the person who gave the award to you. (Done, both here and on her blog.)
2.) Post eleven facts about yourself. (Um, what?!?!)
3.) Answer eleven questions I will make up for you, and make up eleven of your own for the people you tag. (Again, whaaat?!?!?)
4.) Tell seven more things about yourself. (For the final time, whaaaaaaat?!?!?)

5.) Last, you apparently tag as many people as you want, which is sort of nice. Sometimes it's hard finding those ten or twelve people, you know? (Once you tag them, please let them know on their blogs. Otherwise, it may take awhile for them to discover they were tagged.)

There are a LOT of questions to answer! :-)

Oh well, here goes.

First, the eleven facts you ever wanted (or didn't want) to know about Katrina DeLallo:

1.) I'm the kind of person who will not exchange anything. Ever. If it doesn't fit, oh well! Too scary to go back to the store and say, "Um, I don't want this. Take it back."

2.) I'm much chattier online than in real life.

3.) If possible, I would spend all my time either in my own little corner in my own little chair, being whatever I wanted to be, or at a bookstore. (Did I just hear someone groan?)

4.) Okay, maybe I'd spend some time at Hobby Lobby or Michael's too, or any other craft store available. (Heavens, I think I'm haunted by restless spirits. Someone else just groaned!)

5.) I like fantasy writers who know how to write beautiful sentences. Think Patricia McKillip, Elizabeth Bunce, some of Robin McKinley, and Tolkien.

6.) I will read fantasy over pretty much every other type of book ever written.

7.) I think the three biggest differences between Science Fiction and Fantasy is this: Science Fiction takes place in high-tech settings, contains steel and rivets, and their amazing creatures are dinosaurs. Fantasy takes place in medieval settings, contains woodlands and castles, and their amazing beasts are dragons. 

8.) Big families are the best.

9.) Good music is the language of the soul.

10.) A home is not a home without a room full of books, or a crucifix above (nearly) every door.

11.) I think my parents are the best ones God could ever have given me. They've done something wonderful with my family. Most people who meet us want to be just like us. (Wait. That's not weird. I mean, who wouldn't want to be just like us? We're pretty freaking amazing!)

Dum dum dum! Now for Treskie's questions:

1.) Favorite book? Um, um, um... only one? Can't do it. Primarily fantasies, though. Tolkien. Elizabeth Bunce. Patricia McKillip.

2.) Opinion on fantasy? (No bashing J. R. R. Tolkien, KAY?) Awesomeness. Period. There is NOTHING like fantasy. I read it all the time. Seriously. And Tolkien is amazing.

3.) Coffee or Tea? Coffee. I am a coffee monster. (Whole family nods in agreement.)

4.) Ice cream: Vanilla or chocolate? Are you kidding me? Chocolate, of course. Vanilla should not be allowed. Unless you're serving it with a brownie. And whipped cream. And coffee. ;-)

5.) Do you think baseball is awesome or boring? ( I love baseball.) Live baseball is fun. Watching baseball on TV... not so much fun. Men's Olympic beach volleyball, however...

6.) Do you call this:
 ...a soccer ball or football? Silly! That's a foo'ball, of course! (No "T" in that word, people. Just insert a glottal stop. FOO'(glottal stop)ball. Like that.)

7.) Do you like action, romance, comedy, or drama? (You can pick more than one...) Probably action, like the Bourne Series, though I do like a good drama. Think THE KING'S SPEECH, or the TV show 24 (Hoot hoot! Jack Bauer!! Oh yeah.)

8.) When you go out in public, do you tend to dress up a little bit or do you not care? I tend to be dressed up most of the time anyway, but if I'm in the mood, I will apply makeup. A little eyeliner, a little eyeshadow, some curled lashes... that sort of thing.

9.) Who's a better hero, Sir Percy Blakeney or Captain America? Well, I think I'd have to say Captain America... just 'cause I LOVE my Avengers. :-) Especially the man in the suit that's not exactly iron.

10.) Favorite movie/s? Heavens! Lots and lots. The Bourne trilogy, the Lord of the Ring trilogy, every Pixar movie created, Ghost Protocol, Ip Man 1 and 2, Inception, Despicable Me, Executive Decision, The King's Speech, For Greater Glory... the list will go on much longer, so I'll stop there.

11.) State, in five words or less, your life story. (merherherherher.) Fifth child, writer, singer, mama-wannabe!

Okay, now for my eleven questions for the poor souls I shall tag. **rubs hands semi-evilly**

1.) What's the first book you ever read?

2.) What's a movie you saw as a little ikkle kid, forgot about, and when you saw it again as an adult you remembered the whole plot in a sort of gosh-I-know-what's-going-to-happen-next kind of way?

3.) If you weren't what you were now (such as a writer, mother, accountant) what would you want to be?

4.) What's your favourite hobby?

5.) What looks greyer to you? THIS spelling of gray, or this spelling of grey?

6.) How do you pronounce tomato? Toe-mah-toe, or toe-may-toe?

7.) Do you secretly wish you were a hobbit?

8.) Would you rather be an elf?

9.) Do you prefer British or American spellings of the words honour/honor, colour/color, tyre/tire, laser/lazer, aluminium/aluminum?

10.) What's your idea of fun?

11.) How many times can you say the words, "Irish wristwatch?" (Bet you can't even say it once. Not fast, anyway.)

Almost done! Seven MORE facts about me!

1.) I love technology!

2.) I aspire to be a children's picture book illustrator one day.

3.) I have never ever ever been drunk. Ever. Not once.

4.) I have an interest in learning pretty much everything. I simply lack the courage to try.

5.) In my current work-in-progress, my protagonist is ending up a lot like me. I can empathize with her really well.

6.) I can get depressed really easily. On the flip side, I can be amazingly funny. At least, judging by the laughter, I think I can be amazingly funny. Maybe it's just my hair. Lay flat, darn it!

7.) My current motto: have GPS, will travel.

Now, for the final part. Tag time! For this award, I tag:

1.) The amazing Kelly Hashway

2.) The fabulous Anne E. Johnson

3.) The inspiring Katie Clark

4.) The wonderful Ruth Schiffmann

That's all for now. Until Saturday, God bless!

Cat

Blog Awards!

Good morning, everyone.

I was lucky enough to receive the TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF award and the SISTERHOOD OF THE WORLD BLOGGERS award from my friend and critique partner, Kelly Hashway. Thanks, Kelly!

For these awards, I'm supposed to tell you seven things about myself that you might not have known until this very magical moment. If you already know certain things, please, act surprised, okay?

1.) I have moved to Kansas for a year. (HA! Bet SOME of you are shocked! *winky winky*)

2.) I am a very private person, and rarely share life happenings with other people (see number 1).

3.) I like to redraft outlines... constantly, since my WIP's have a tendency to change in mysterious ways.

4.) I don't mind heat, but humidity is something else. Thankfully, Kansas is being kind to me.

5.) I love TV shows. They're not too long to make you feel like you've ruined a whole day, but they're short enough that if you watch two, you don't feel extravagant.

6.) I could watch people sing all day. (Some of you might already know this. I tend to fall back on this fact as a staple fact.)

7.) If I don't write something down right away, or do something right away, I tend to forget what the VERY IMPORTANT THING was that I was going to write, or do.

So, there you go. Now you know all about me, right? To conclude, I shall now pass on these awards to seven bloggers I think totally deserve them.

1.) Katie Clark
2.) Teresa DeLallo
3.) Kellie Falconer
4.) Dani Duck
5.) Alexandra
6.) Jaye Robin Brown
7.) Lily Cate

That's all for now. Have a lovely day, youse all. :-)

God bless.

Cat

The Query Quandary

You've probably heard this question before. How do you write a query. What do agents want in this darn thing? Is there something, similar to a mathematical equation, that authors can copy in writing the perfect query?

Well, sorry folks, here's the bad news: there is no equation. There's no potion, no magic wand that you can wave, no recipe you can follow to produce a well-written query. Queries are all unique, written to each agent. And guess what? Agents don't care what kind of a query you send them, as long as it's interesting, and makes them want to read the entire manuscript.

An agent simply wants a good story.

You're job is to show that story to an agent. You want to hook them, feed them tidbits, and end with a cliffhanger that makes them think, I want more!


Queries should lightly contain a bit of your novel's "voice". Basically, you want your query to reflect the tone and style your novel is written in. However, even if your novel is written in the first person (i.e. "I turned to see who was behind me, but no one was there.") always always always write your query in third person ("When Sandra turns to see who's behind her, no one's there.").

Your query can end on a cliffhanger. You want to entice the agent into reading more, remember? However, avoid rhetorical question. In fact, avoid questions altogether, okay?

Despite the non-formulaic problem of query drafting, some authors/agents provide wonderful tips for at least getting you started on the daunting road of query drafting. My personal favourite is Nathan Bransford's mad-lib query. If you are like me (i.e. terrified of queries) then Nathan Bransford is the place for you. He provides a wonderful mad-lib type query game that you can use to draft a rough query. It's helpful, because it breaks you out of the "queries are TERRIFYING" mindset, and lets you at least get words down on paper. But please, embellish. Add your own unique author voice.

For some great tips on the art of drafting queries, proposals, and synopses, read this transcript of the workshop held over at the Institute of Children's Literature. It is chock-full of some of the best information ever!!! Once you're done with it, here's part two of the same transcript. Enjoy!

'Til next time, God bless!

Cat

Starting in the Right Place

I just got back from a perfectly wonderful weekend with the Nevada SCBWI. I attended quite an awesome conference, and got some really excellent feedback, and one of several enormous writing tips.

This is a post for all those writers who have been told, over and over again, to "Start with the action!"

That doesn't always work.

At least, what you don't realise is they mean to start with the right kind of action. For months and months I've been really working on perfecting my language, getting rid of superfluous ands, thens, and thats. I've also worked on making my opening chapter "hookier" and more exciting to read, because people kept saying it was too slow, or too rambling, not enough happened.

So, I made the first chapter quite exciting.

Guess what?

First of all, when I read my sample pages aloud to my critique group at the SCBWI, they all loved my "voice". However, they got a bit confused with names and terms. See, I write YA fantasy. For me, I tend to "name" things and use those names liberally throughout the novel. However, the reader can't divine what those words mean. They wanted a bit more worldbuilding, a bit more grounding in the world and a deeper connection to the character before he was thrust into madness and mayhem.

Same thing happened with my second critique group, except they felt the entire story started in the wrong chapter. I needed to write a new chapter, because I had started with the wrong action, and needed to give the readers a sense of place.

So, my advice is this: starting your story off with a thrilling road chase may not always work, especially in fantasy. It doesn't work for me, and I know that now, thanks to my fabulous critics. For a fantasy writer, you owe it to your readers to take that extra two, five, or even ten pages it takes in order to establish the major points of your world (i.e., if it *happens* to be a mulit-universe world) and to explain, creatively, what certain things mean.

Such as, the word below:

Chrestomathy \ kres-TOM-uh-thee

Noun;
1.A collection of selected literary passages.

Example:  My house is littered with chrestomathy. There's something about collecting selections of literary passages that intrigues me.

Origin:
Chrestomathy literally means "useful to learn" in Greek, from the roots chres ("to use") and math ("to learn").

Countdown to Conference

My writer's conference is in two days. Squeak!

For an aspiring author, writing conferences are amazing. You connect with other writers, you talk about writing, you share ideas about your stories, you get feedback... you are suddenly normal. People understand you. And you understand them. You are all talking the same lingo.

At the same time, you are talking with other people. I don't know about you, but to me it seems the more artistic you are, the more introverted you tend to be. The thought of being on my own, in a roomful of strangers that I have never talked to before, fills me with panic. What am I doing?! What am I thinking, going to something like this?!

Am I crazy?

Well, probably. At the same time, the tiny bold bit of me is going, "Omigosh, I can't wait!" Most of me is excited, but there's that bit right in the middle of my stomach that is absolutely quivering with terror.

So, any tips or advice for a newbie conference-goer? All comments are welcome. What did you bring to your conference (if you attended one)? What do you recommend? How did you relax?

All right, enough of this spruik. (Do you like that word? :-) I'll let you all go back to your merrymaking.

God bless!

Cat

Spruik \ sprook
Verb
1.To make or give a speech, especially extensively; spiel.

Word of the Day, and things I'm loving right now.

This is a great word! Like, really, really great. I can't wait to use it in a book!

Cicatrix \ SIK-uh-triks

noun;
1. New tissue that forms over a wound.
2. Botany. A scar left by a fallen leaf, seed, etc.

This word is taken directly from the Latin word cicatrix, which means scar. There is no clear origin of where the word cicatrix actually came from, however.

I am currently loving this book.

It's High Fantasy...

by Patricia McKillip...

It's beautifully written....

I LOVE MORGON!!

I am really loving this soundtrack!

All these themes that keep appearing...

all the dramatic music for the different Avengers...

all the pretty little interludes that occur...

the super-cool way the "Avengers theme" mixes with

the separate themes for the different Avengers.

The way my imagination seems to get a workout

from listening to this kind of music. It inspires heroes.

I am really loving these characters right now:

IRON MAN! HAWKEYE! CAPTAIN AMERICA! (AGENT COULSON!)

THOR! HULK! NICK FURY! BLACK WIDOW! RAH, RAH, RAH!

Okay, that's all for now... except I think my WIP is going to have The Avengers Theme music as its background. All I can say is, how inspiring!

God bless!

Cat

If You Be A Writer...

Read!

Seriously, all writers must read. And not just novels, either. Do you remember those readers you'd get in school? YOU know, those books you'd have in second, third, and fourth grade? Yeah, those books, with the hundreds of short stories in them?

I remember when I had absolutely no books to read, I'd go into the school room and pull out all the readers I could find and devour those from cover to cover. When I was done with those I'd go into the living room and pull out Mom's storybook collections. She still has them. They are the Colliers Junior Classics readers, the "Young Folks Shelf Of Books." There are a bazillion stories in there that I bet very few people remember reading.

For instance, who knows the story about the Funny Thing that would eat children's dolls? "And very good are they - dolls," it would say with a smile. Come on, let's see those hands.
No one? Please, check it out! It's a great wee story, and I only remembered it because I was visiting my brother in Kansas and we were having some sort of nice food, and I said with a pseudo-quote, "And very good are they - (whatever-it-was-we-were-eating)," and no one knew what I was quoting! So then I started asking if they remembered stories such as Peter Churchmouse, or Poppy Seed Cakes featuring Andrewshek's Auntie Katushka? (Say that three times fast. :-) How about Evie and the Wonderful Kangaroo?

Apparently only my older sister and I were weird enough to read every reader in the house. But I am full of stories because of it.

So read your readers! Even now, I enjoy pulling down a reader, or Grimm's fairy tales, or just any short-story collection and reading it through.

Because they're full of ideas.

And you never know which story will inspire your imagination.

God bless!

Cat

Writing Challenges

I recently posted a comment over at Talking Animal Addicts about writing challenges, and this made me start thinking. What is one of your writing challenges?

Me, I challenge myself to take notes, all day long. I have to take notes, because with my job I do not always have the luxury of writing full scenes as they come to me. That has to wait until lunch break at least! But I always have post-its in my pocket, and when that little voice speaks inside my brain, I KNOW I'm going to regret it if I don't write a note down and capture the essence of the idea. If I leave it and try to commit it to memory alone, I know that little gem of an idea will go away and ne'er return. I have piles and piles of post-its that I bring home, with occasional snippets of dialogue and quick sketches of characters done while I'm on the phone and able to multi-task. These are my "scraplets." Once I get them home I input them in the computer. Some become full-fledged novel ideas. Others simmer on the back burner of the "Hmm" stove until I can decide whether they're usable or not.

Another challenge I set for myself is to always, always, always write down my vivid dreams. I've jerked myself awake before, sitting upright and grappling for a pen before I've fully woken in order to frantically scribble down details before I forget them. I've had three fully-plotted stories come to me, and I've actually finished the manuscript for one just the other day, and it's a doozy! So, always write down your dreams.

How about you? What is your writing challenge, or goal you recommend for other writers?

Until later, God Bless!
Cat

Words on Wednesday: Revision

First off, thanks to Katie Clark over at The Ramblings of a Cancer Kid Mom for the Sunshine Award. I'll accept, post, and pass on that award this Friday. Thank you, Katie!

Next, I'm being interviewed over at Rate Your Story today by the fantastic Miranda Paul. Head on over and check it out! She had some fun questions for me to answer. :)

(edited to add: Due to some blogger issues, this interview may not be available until later today. Sorry about that!)

It's funny, I've been so busy with revisions that I completely forgot I had this interview today. It took an email from Miranda to remind me. Isn't that sad?

Most of the time I hate revision. I don't know why. Maybe my head gets tired trying to figure out how to repair massive plot holes I (somehow) totally looked over before. Maybe I get overwhelmed with the need to cut, cut, cut. For the first time ever (and now that I FINALLY got through the middle portion of the book that was holding me up) I'm actually enjoying the revising. Maybe the longer you work at it the more rewarding it is to CUT that unnecessary bit of description, or that superfluous bit of dialogue, or that really unimportant character out of your manuscript.

Or, maybe as you get closer to the climax of the story, you're just so excited to see how thrilling it is that you hardly notice the revision process at all. I don't know. But for the first time ever, I'm having FUN!

What are your thoughts on revision?

As always (sounds like a letter, doesn't it?),

Cat

God bless!

Wednesday: about my Workshops

I attended two workshops last week over at Bona Fide Books (Kim Wyatt, Publisher), a small press in South Lake Tahoe. Kristen Schwartz was the host. (Thank you, Kristen and Kim!!!) The first workshop on Thursday was a workshop on writing children's books, with the focus primarily on picture books (amazing!). The other, which was on Saturday, was a four-hour one-on-one workshop on your specific manuscript, and goals you wanted for this manuscript as well as ideas and suggestions to make it better.

The picture book workshop was awesome, because you got like a mini-refresher on age ranges, targeting your audience, and word count. I also got to observe first-hand how a PB dummy looks, and see how one sets up their portfolio. Really, really awesome.

The second workshop was definitely more intensive. We worked on pitches, and coming up with one sentences and one paragraph to describe our manuscript. This was more of an exercise in learning HOW to pitch your manuscript to an agent / editor / publisher when you're at a conference and have that one opportunity when someone says, "What are you working on?" to actually TELL them what you're working on!

Also, the one sentence, one paragraph, two paragraph exercise is really useful in drafting a query letter. I found it nearly impossible to write just one sentence, but once I'd written the one paragraph I found it easier to pare it down and find the one sentence I'd wanted in the first place.

Kristen brought some examples of how to draft queries. My favourite was Nathan Bransford's. It seemed to really help me get the words down, just because I do so much better with a recipe! And that's what it was, a recipe, or formula, on how to draft a query. I hope you find it as helpful as me!

God bless!

Cat

Wednesday Word of the Day

Today's word has to be one of my more favourite words in the history of words. That word is:

conniption \kuh-NIP-shuhn, noun:
A fit of hysterical excitement or anger

"Wah!" says Stella-Rondo. I knew she'd cry. She had a conniption fit right there in the kitchen.
-- Eudora Welty, "Why I Live at the P.O." The Collected Stories of Eudora Welty

When they came home, everybody was having a conniption about a big giant fight in the village over who got whose share of their horrid meat.
-- Barbara Kingsolver, The Poisonwood Bible

A day or two later I was going about my business when a voice from above bellowed, ALL HAPPY FAMILIES RESEMBLE ONE ANOTHER, nearly giving me aconniption.
-- Nicole Krauss, The History of Love: A Novel

Did you know? Conniption is an invented word! It first appeared in 1833 in the good old U.S. of A., and is thought to be related to the word corruption, which was used in the sense of "anger" in the early 1800s. Neat, eh?

Also, for your enjoyment, watch these videos. Next time you think you're somethin' else, think of these two geniuses (geniusi?) and know you're not.

Word of the Day

Today's word is a great word for writers. As writers we tend to get wordy. There are so many great words to choose from, why not use them all? We've learned, time and again, to use only one solid, concrete word instead of hundreds of "it was like" words. It's awfully hard, but it definitely makes a manuscript flow better.

So, today's word:

ad rem ad REM \ adverb, adjective;
1. Without digressing; in a straightforward manner. (adjective)
2. Relevant; pertinent.

Ad rem is a useful Latin phrase that literally means "at thing" from the roots ad and rēs.

"Jacki found it hard to write ad rem when there were so many words to choose from."

Just for fun, take the Word Dynamo quiz... how many words do you REALLY know?

One Word

For today, there is one word I'd like to share with you.

Logophile.

This word comes from two Greek roots: logos, and philos. Logos means speech, word, or reason, and Philos means dear, or friendly.

Basically it means a Lover of Words.

So writers, you are logophiles! Welcome to the Logophile Club.

Aunt Maria: by Diana Wynne Jones

The whole ordeal with Aunt Maria probably would never have happened if Dad hadn't driven off the road on his way to visit Aunt her in the village of Cranbury-on-Sea. But he did, and that's how Aunt Maria entered into the lives of Christian and Naomi Laker.

Before they have a chance to catch their breath, Chris and Naomi (more familiarly referred to as "Mig") find themselves bundled in the car with their suitcases and speeding off with Mum to Cranbury-on-Sea to tend to poor old Aunt Maria.

At first, Aunt Maria seems to be a demure old woman, cuddly as a teddy bear and oozing forbearance and patience. But there is a hard, iron side to Aunt Maria that can hardly be believed at first because it is cushioned so sneakily between layers of fluff and sweetness. But gradually the Lakers realise that they are expected to keep house, look after Aunt Maria, and provide the cakes (home-made, not store-bought, mind!) for the tea parties that Aunt Maria has every day with other women from the village.

This is bad enough, but gradually Chris and Mig discover that not only is Aunt Maria not what she seems, but the whole village is amiss. Men wander around like grey-suited zombies. The children are locked away in an institution-like orphanage and chaperoned by some of the ladies that attend Aunt Maria's tea parties. There is a ghost that keeps appearing to Chris at night, and the cat that stalks around outside Aunt Maria's house looks suspiciously like the servant that had been in Aunt Maria's employ before the Lakers arrived.

Aunt Maria's quavering gentleness is offset by Chris's incredibly rude attitude toward her, which becomes refreshing as the book goes on because Aunt Maria just gets more and more sweetly horrendous and you can't wait for Chris to speak his mind. You know there's going to be a point where something happens, for Aunt Maria has to be more than just an eccentric old woman with a whole village wrapped around her finger. Could she be a witch?

Once she turns Chris into a wolf, it seems pretty likely. But how will Mig be able to break the spell on Chris, release the ghost, and save the whole village of Cranbury-on-Sea from Aunt Maria's clutches by herself?

Diana Wynne Jones has written another zinger of a story. Aunt Maria is this perfect villain, devious and horrendous while at the same being so perfectly cozy, and Mig is portrayed as the perfect shy foil to Aunt Maria's prodigious slyness. Before the end of the book you are heartily hating Aunt Maria and just waiting for the climax when you know she will be taken down.

This book can be found on Amazon under the titles of AUNT MARIA and BLACK MARIA.

My rating: *****

Back to the Bestiary

I was reading the Children's Writer newsletter the other day, and the very first article I read was about going back to the bestiary.

You all know what a bestiary is, right? If you don't, here is the definition kindly provided by dictionary.com:

bes·ti·ar·y [bes-chee-er-ee, bees-]
noun, plural -ar·ies.
a collection of moralized fables, especially as written in the MiddleAges, about actual or mythical animals.

A bestiary really is a fantastic source of inspiration for the fantasy writer. I suppose it could be inspirational for the fiction writer as well, though they'd have to do something really inventive to make a cockatrice compatible with real life. However, the article I read kind of gave examples of how to do that, such as making the monster something inside you, an insidious dark aspect of your character that the protagonist has to defeat in order to grow and conquer.

One of the best things about the bestiary is that it is full of real and fantastical beasts. You can take those you like and adapt them to your needs. You don't have to stick to one set diagram. You can use what the bestiary gives and perhaps put a little twist on the creature's character. Why does the manticore sup on human flesh? Why can't you cut off one of the hydra's heads without causing two more to grow in its place? What happens if you cross a centaur with a gryphon? Kind of interesting, isn't it? I thought so.

You can access the Children's Writer article here. It was really fantastic. While you're at it, why not take a trip through the whole newsletter? It's a brilliant newsletter, full of tips, insight, and inspiration... sort of like a bestiary. :)

Words on Wednesday - The First Sentence

First sentences are the devil. Don't let anyone say they're not, because they really ARE! You need to impart so much information in one little slice of words that it almost makes you want to quit before you've started.


I won a critique giveaway awhile ago, back in July, and I was super-excited that the lady who held that contest read the first chapter and thought it was really good. The only comment she made that really stuck with me most though was about my opening sentence. It was a good sentence, but it didn't impart necessary information. This is what she said:

The first sentence is fascinating, but it doesn’t seem to lead anywhere. My first thought is “futuristic.” We’ve got a smart letterbox that can announce the mail. Furthermore, the box calls for [the MC], not one of her parents. But the book’s not futuristic (if it is, we need more signs). The assumption, both because her name is used and because she ran for the mail, is that she was expecting something important. But apparently not so. We have no clue why she ran for the mail. Does she always? Is that a way of assuaging some of her loneliness? Also, the sentence about handling the letter makes me wonder if she has powers. Can she handle objects and receive mental images? But I see no other hint of powers in this section, either.

It's so important to get that first sentence absolutely perfect. You need to tell the reader, clunk, who the MC is, what the MC can do, and what's conflicting him/her, and why this sentence was written in the first place.

Because of how wonderfully illuminating this critique was, I decided that I'm going to offer a Christmas Eve First Chapter Critique giveaway over at Cat's Mathoms. You can read the guidelines for entering, and I sincerely hope you do... enter, I mean. I promise I'll give you nothing more than my own honest, and very nice opinion! (And I sincerely believe that my opinion is very honest but nice!)

God bless!

Cat

Passage: Connie Willis

Joanna Lander is a doctor working at Mercy General Hospital. She specializes in NDE - Near Death Experiences - and her goal in life is to discover what really is on the Other Side of death. She interviews people in the hospital who have undergone NDE, but it's very hard for her to glean fact from fiction because of Maurice Mandrake, a pseudo-psychologist and famous author, who is only concerned with convincing people that warmth, happiness, and light await them on the Other Side so that he can sell a new bestseller.

Then Dr. Richard Wright arrives. He is a brilliant young neurologist also on the quest of discovering what NDE really is, and has even been able to manufacture NDE's with the aid of psychoactive drugs. Joanna and he team up to see if they can interview objective subjects as to what they see and feel during an NDE.

The scientific research and results are frustrating, and as time goes on the people that have volunteered for the experiment start drifting away until there is only one thing left to do. Joanna herself goes under the drug, and experiences an NDE firsthand.

The experience is both what she expected and not what she expected. The place she finds herself in is haunting and somehow familiar. It makes her want to go under again. But each time she goes under, she starts to feel a sense of dread growing within her, as though she knows why the place is familiar and why she should be afraid.

In an effort to try and understand why the NDE is so familiar, Joanna catapults on a "quest" to figure out what her brain is telling her as she is "dying." The results and discovery are unexpected to say the least, and the climax is a stunner, for sure!

PASSAGE is gorgeously written. Connie Willis lets you see, feel, and hear the heartbeat of Mercy General Hospital, and makes you aware of the undercurrent of tension that most likely pulses in the veins of every hospital. There is a lot of drama and build-up in the first part of the book, and though not a lot happens you can't stop reading, because there's just something gripping about people running frantically through corridors in an effort to discover what NDE is all about. PASSAGE is chock-full of memorable characters -- the incorrigible WWII veteran with his ever-changing stories, the Mandrake-influenced NDE patient with her newly-discovered facts about the Other Side, the critically ill child with a penchant for disaster stories -- and you'll laugh, cry, and bite your nails through every page of this incredibly haunting novel.

My Rating: *****


PASSAGE Book Description:

A tunnel, a light, a door. And beyond it ... the unimaginable.


Dr. Joanna Lander is a psychologist specializing in near-death experiences. She is about to get help from a new doctor with the power to give her the chance to get as close to death as anyone can.


A brilliant young neurologist, Dr. Richard Wright has come up with a way to manufacture the near-death experience using a psychoactive drug. Joanna’s first NDE is as fascinating as she imagined — so astounding that she knows she must go back, if only to find out why that place is so hauntingly familiar.


But each time Joanna goes under, her sense of dread begins to grow, because part of her already knows why the experience is so familiar, and why she has every reason to be afraid.


Yet just when Joanna thinks she understands, she’s in for the biggest surprise of all — a shattering scenario that will keep you feverishly reading until the final climactic page.

PASSAGE Amazon.com Review

Most of us would rather not spend a lot of time contemplating death, but the characters in Connie Willis's novel Passage make a living at it. Joanna Lander is a medical researcher specializing in Near Death Experiences (NDEs) and how the brain constructs them. Her partner in this endeavor is Richard Wright, a single-minded scientist who induces NDEs in healthy people by injecting a compound that tricks the brain into thinking it's dying. Joanna and Richard team up and try to find test subjects whose ability to report their experiences objectively hasn't been wrecked by reading the books of pop-psychologist and hospital gadabout Maurice Mandrake. Mandrake has gained fame and fortune by convincing people that they can expect light, warmth, and welcoming loved ones once they die. Joanna and Richard try to quantify NDEs in more scientific terms, a frustrating exercise to say the least.


The brain cells started to die within moments of death. By the end of four to six minutes the damage was irreversible, and people brought back from death after that didn't talk about tunnels and life reviews. They didn't talk at all.... But if the dying were facing annihilation, why didn't they say, "It's over!" or, "I'm shutting down"?... Why did they say, "It's beautiful over there," and, "I'm coming, Mother!"


When Joanna decides to become a test subject and see an NDE firsthand, she discovers that death is both more and less than she expected. Telling anything at all about her experience would be spoiling the book's suspenseful buildup, but readers are in for some shocks as Willis reveals the secrets and mysteries of the afterlife. Unfortunately, several running gags--the maze-like complexity of the hospital, Mandrake's oily sales pitch, and a tiresomely talkative World War II veteran--go on a little too long and threaten the pace of the story near the middle. But don't stop reading! We expect a lot from Connie Willis because she's so good, and Passage's payoff is incredible--the ending will leave you breathless, and more than a little haunted. Passage masterfully blends tragedy, humor, and fear in an unforgettable meditation on humanity and death. --Therese Littleton

NaNoWriMo success

Yes, I finished my NaNo novel in 28 days, clocking in at 50,800 and some odd words. Not bad! Now, to get to the revision process. Revision can either be very "Yay!" or very "Ugh" for me, depending on how much work there is involved. I hate it when I get to revising and discover a massive, and I mean MASSIVE plot hole. You feel like you can hear your inner editor snickering, "Bu-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-m-m-m-m-mer!"

This book that I did for NaNo (which, by the way, is the sequel to the book I wrote for Camp NaNoWriMo in July) will need a massive rewrite, because it actually turned out to be a book with two separate stories, told from the viewpoint of two MC's. What I actually wrote turned out to be a very well-thought-out rough draft, with a lot-a-lot of side notes, diagrams, and maps. (I LOVE drawing maps!) So, what I'm doing from here on out is the second draft of the book, smoothing out the rough edges. I'll need to stitch the two parts together so that there's continuity and motion in the tale, and no weird disjointed fragments. I'll probably end up printing out the entire thing so that I can have a physical copy in my hands to muck about with. I love scratching bold pen lines through sentences that I really don't like.

I like to do my revision on paper, with pens. There's something much more tangible about doing editing with a hard copy. I feel like I can actually see how the story is supposed to go if I have a printed copy to work with. How about you? Do you do better with computer or paper?

So, my list of "What to do" this week:

1.) Rewrite at least seven chapters of NaNo novel (I've already completed two)
2.) Do some research for an article I'm thinking about.
3.) Finish the short story I've written up and submit.
4.) FINALLY get to that critique I promised my sister I'd do.
5.) Drink some more tea and get better. I caught the world's nastiest cold from the rest of my sisters, who insist that the best way to get rid of a cold is to give it to someone else. Come on down, my friends, and I'll share with you!

What's on your agenda for the rest of the week?